One of the many delights of masochism is the turning of social conventions on their head. My whole approach to masochism is based on the concept that the disgust reflex is suppressed when one is turned on: something that, in the vanilla world, enables one to enjoy things like French kissing or oral sex with one's beloved. French kissing involves plenty of sharing of saliva, and another way to share saliva is through the "insult" of spitting on someone. Even in non-pandemic times, spitting at people is deemed off-limits, and so perhaps it is no surprise that masochism makes use of the combination of the humiliation of spitting at someone to express "contempt", and the lowering of the disgust reflex so that one welcomes the mistress's saliva. I love being spat at, on and into by my mistress. In the past, I have asked for it as a leaving gift: then I can feel the saliva drying on my face after I have left the studio to go home. And it's fu...

Can a submissive person take pride in their submission?     According to Roy Baumeister, who wrote what I believe was the first truly insightful psychological study of masochism, “Masochism and the Self”, this is not the case. “It would be absurd,"  he asserts, "to hear a masochist boast of having licked the boots of dozens of mistresses. […] Masochistic submission is simply not something that one boasts about, for it has no ego-boosting properties.” (p. 131)   I believe he is wrong on that point. Let me quote from a very different source: In an article in a Times Magazine (25 July 2020, a supplement to the British newspaper The Times), Jason Fox, a former Royal Marines and  SAS (Special Air Service - an elite British army unit) hard man, talks about having “two types of fun. The first is drinking or meeting up with women. The second is ‘something that, when you’re doing it, isn’t fun; it’s horrendous, gruelling. And then the minute it finishes you’re ...

Hands up! It’s a traditional position of submission – who hasn’t seen images of captured soldiers with their arms raised above their heads? And anyone who’s visited a BDSM studio will have spotted plenty of equipment which can be used to immobilise a slave’s arms above their head. Beams and bars suspended from the ceiling, carabiner clips, and the iconic piece of furniture everyone associates with sadomasochism: the X of the St Andrew’s Cross. Before I ever entered a studio, I fantasised frequently about being spreadeagled at my mistress's mercy on one of those crosses. Over the years of SM play, I have indeed been strung up many a time – for example for a memorable ballbusting session, legs spread, arms raised. Strangely, though, it isn’t my favourite posture in which to receive pain. In fact, I prefer my arms in pretty much any other position. The reason is very simple: keeping one’s arms above one’s head means that the arms tire quickly. At least, mine do. Notwithstandin...