Yellow Facts – piss and fuck party at Lab.oratory

Lab.oratory is a gay club in the same building as the famous Berghain nightclub. It has a reputation for offering quite hardcore events, such as cruising in total darkness and fetish parties. One of these regular events is called “Yellow Facts – piss and fuck party”.

 

Now, I’m not interested in sex with other men – not least, I am too scared of picking up something nasty at a place like Lab.oratory. But I am a piss-slut. I love drinking piss, having piss enemas, being pissed on.

 

So far, I’d only enjoyed water sports in sessions with dommes, where the rules are clear. But what would it be like at a gay fetish club? I did my research, and found little information online outside the Lab.oratory’s impressively uninformative website, and some of what I did find turned out to be wrong (for example I had read somewhere that on arrival I would have a number written in marker pen on my shoulder – this was a source of anxiety, as explaining that at home would be rather difficult).

 

So perhaps people will benefit from a description of what I encountered at the Lab.oratory early one Sunday evening.

 

Getting there and parking turned out to be very easy. The next thing was finding the entrance. Fortunately, Google maps had been very precise, and had pinpointed the club as being on the left side of the Berghain building. This was useful information, because there were no signs, just a long queue of people waiting to get into Berghain, and so I decided to walk past them around the building, passed through part of the building, and emerged by a sign announcing the entrance.

 

Entry was possible from 4 to 6 p.m., and I arrived at about 5.15. There was no queue. The man at the door was courteous and clear in his instructions to this manifestly straight newbie. The entrance fee of €12 had to be paid in cash (nowhere online had I been able to find out what the entrance fee was); I was given a bag for my stuff, and had a band with a number placed around my wrist.

 

I had come equipped with shampoo, towel, and plastic clogs, as I had learnt that footwear is essential at these clubs. I stripped down to my panties and put on a white undershirt as I had thought it might be fun to wear something soaked in urine. I handed in my bag of stuff, and set off into the maze that is the Lab.oratory.

 

I found plenty of men in all sorts of garb – apart from the shoes, some were naked, some wore cockrings, some had fetish gear, some wore vanilla clothes. I didn't stand out in my white undershirt and panties. There were plenty of people milling about at the bar, and as I explored, I encountered men snogging, sucking, fucking, or just walking around. One was lying on a bench holding his legs apart, asshole free to be used by all passers-by. What there wasn't, was anyone pissing.

 

I found the toilets – no-one was pissing there either, at least not in public. Eventually I found what I'd read about and was looking for: a relatively small section with a metal grill floor and a tiled chamber underneath. It took me a while to work out how the system functioned. There were several people sitting on the grill around the sides. It turned out that they were waiting to be urinated on. I needed a pee, so I selected one of them and urinated over his chest and shoulders, whilst he purred with pleasure.

 

There were steps down to the chamber beneath, and people standing on the steps. I wrongly assumed they were queuing up to use the chamber. In fact, it turned out that there were three ways to get pissed on: sitting at ground level on the grill; waiting in the chamber beneath for whatever came down through the grill; or waiting on the steps leading down to the chamber for people to stop by and piss on you.

 

The ground level section was already full of people. I tried waiting in the downstairs chamber for a while. There were other men there with me, standing around on their own, or in twos, sucking and fucking. Occasionally some urine spattered down from above.

 

This third option, the stairs, proved to be the best for me. I gained a place on the steps, and stood there, mouth open, head tilted upwards, waiting for deliveries.

 

It proved to be quite a wait. For obvious reasons, the availability of pee is limited in the early stages of the evening. Lots of men were drinking beer, but it takes time to pass through the system. After a while, my waiting paid off. Men started coming along to relieve themselves, standing up on the ground floor, peeing down through the railing onto the waiting human receptacles – i.e. me and one or two others.

 

Like quite a few men in the club, I had been vaguely playing with myself – and after a couple of copious golden showers, I was so turned on that I couldn’t help coming as the warm stream from a random cock rained down on my face and body. I stayed around a bit longer whilst one or two more men emptied their bladders over me, and then decided I had to leave if I was to get back home before 8 p.m.

 

So I headed off to the showers, and realised my strategic error in placing my towel down in the depths of my bag. I showered off using the liquid soap provided, and went back to the entrance to retrieve my bag. After drying and dressing, I found my way to the bar, obtained a receipt saying that any bar bills had been paid (there weren't any, as I had only wanted to consume second-hand beer) and headed off home, past the now even longer queue of people keen to get into Berghain.

 

A great first visit, and it won't be the last. My worries had proved unfounded. No number was written in marker pen on my body. The music was not particularly loud. No-one showed any interest in handling me or even raping me. It was easy to get in and out again, without any fuss. All the staff were helpful and friendly, and the general atmosphere was relaxed and accepting. There was no judgement about anything anyone was doing. I don’t think I picked up any nasty disease. In fact, the whole place was amazingly clean and well looked after. There was no smell of stale urine. If I'd stayed longer on the steps, I'd have received many more golden showers. Actually, most people just seemed to be there for companionship and sex, rather than watersports, so my suspicion is that I can attend any party at the Lab.oratory, stand on those steps, and people will piss on me.

 

I can't wait to go back for more.