The finest pain and humiliation, delivered with great care and attention: it's a hallmark of the BDSM scene. The top bears great responsibility for the sub's welfare, and goes to great lengths to keep him/her/it safe from unintended injury. Sounding is a good example of this: the insertion of the sound, usually a metal rod, into the urethra, has the potential to go horribly wrong. Inside the penis is probably not a good place to pick up an injury or an infection. Inside the penis, there's no natural lubrication, just easily damaged flesh and blood vessels. If the sub is to enjoy this treatment, therefore, he needs to be able to trust in the professionalism of the domme. After the precautions to ward off infection have been taken, the pleasure can begin: feeling the sound find its way into the shaft, trying to use the biggest possible sound, going in as deep as possible, perhaps feeling it move around way down inside there between one's legs. I have read...

I have said that my relocation to Berlin, and the emergence of the internet, were two factors behind my decision to move on from torturing myself and actually to visit an SM studio. But whilst they facilitated the step, they weren’t the underlying reason.   The decision to try out a session at a studio with a real, live dominatrix was long in gestation, well prepared and thoroughly considered. It was not a “Schnappsidee” – a spur-of-the-moment alcohol-fuelled choice – but a sober decision.   The real reason I went up those stairs and nervously rang that bell was what we used to call “carpe diem” – “seize the day”, and nowadays is dubbed “FOMO” or “YOLO”. I was in my late thirties, and could now afford – just about – the fee. Life passes by so quickly, and I would rather regret things I have done than things I never got around to doing. So I seized the day. Had it been awful, it would have just been a slightly expensive half-hour of my life; were it to offer promise, it...

It had long been a dream of mine to experience some ballbusting. I had often asked for it, but had been too scared to do it properly: for example, I would ask the domme to knee me in the balls when I arrive or leave – i.e. when I’m wearing trousers as a form of protection.   And I think it's only reasonable to be scared of it: performed badly, it can do you real harm. It takes an experienced and skillful domme to do it both well and safely.   I first sessioned with Mistress Bella in January 2019. By March, I trusted her enough to say, yes, let’s go for it. It was wonderful, better than I’d imagined. I was strung up in the shape of a St. Andrew’s cross, with my limbs pulled in four directions, and she stepped up and gave my balls a really good kicking. She made the pain exquisitely enjoyable: not too much at first, always attentive to how much further she could go, always aware of which part of her boot was smashing into me between my legs.    However, one lea...