Following that first rather sweet, but rather soft half-hour session at Avalon, I didn’t go back for a couple of years. The reason was that I embarked on an unexpected and very intense vanilla relationship which took up all my time and energy. It wasn’t until this relationship ended that I started feeling the need for pain again. I was so shocked and hurt by the break-up that I wanted to harm myself, and the most obvious way to inflict pain in a safe way was to head for Avalon. So over the next six months I went there once a month, each time for half an hour during lunchtime, each time just turning up and hoping that someone would have time for me. I can’t recall the names of the dominas, except for one memorable session when Lady Marlon kindly took me on. She was amazing: she immediately understood what I was looking for: “rein masochistisch” (purely masochistic) was her summary. And she gave a fabulous session of cbt, twisting and turning my balls in ways I didn't think possibl...

In the years before the internet made it so easy to find like-minded people and I finally dared visit a studio, I was left to my own devices, so to speak. I would occasionally drive across to the nearest big city and visit a fetish shop to purchase little cock rings, ball-stretchers, small butt plugs, inflatable butt plugs, and the like. (Once, I even bought a humbler, but it was really difficult to fit on by myself, and not easy to keep hidden.) I would keep the equipment in my office and wear the devices for as long as I could, enjoying the sensations as I worked. I would take them on business trips with me, and inflict pain on myself, e.g. putting on the leather parachute which digs sharp spikes into my squashed balls, and hanging my shoes from it, putting more and more heavy things inside the shoes whilst I swung the shoes back and forth and masturbated, delighting in the stretching of the balls and the sensation of the spikes digging in from different angles. A good day on a busin...

  When I first sessioned with Mistress Bella, in January 2019, I had been a sporadic guest at Avalon over the previous four or five years. I was expecting to continue the pattern of occasional visits to the studio – perhaps two or three times a year. Yet within a week, I was back for more. In fact, we ended up sessioning regularly – 12 times in 2019 – and I was spending the intervening periods fondly recollecting the amazing things we had done, and eagerly looking forward to the next time we could get together. I would have loved to be able to see her even more frequently. Her impact on me was immediate and lasting. What made, and what makes, her so special in my eyes?   Mistress Bella likes people, and treats her guests with respect. She likes bodies, and handles all parts of the body with confidence. She has her boundaries, but is unshockable. You can talk openly about your desires with her. She is discreet and reliable. She is highly professional in the way she approa...