Early days

Following that first rather sweet, but rather soft half-hour session at Avalon, I didn’t go back for a couple of years. The reason was that I embarked on an unexpected and very intense vanilla relationship which took up all my time and energy. It wasn’t until this relationship ended that I started feeling the need for pain again. I was so shocked and hurt by the break-up that I wanted to harm myself, and the most obvious way to inflict pain in a safe way was to head for Avalon. So over the next six months I went there once a month, each time for half an hour during lunchtime, each time just turning up and hoping that someone would have time for me. I can’t recall the names of the dominas, except for one memorable session when Lady Marlon kindly took me on.

She was amazing: she immediately understood what I was looking for: “rein masochistisch” (purely masochistic) was her summary. And she gave a fabulous session of cbt, twisting and turning my balls in ways I didn't think possible and which no-one has repeated since then.

Not all of the other “random” dominatrices understood the partnership of pain I was looking for. One spent ten minutes or so using humiliating language (“du Miststück, du Kotzbrocken” – you lump of shit, you piece of vomit), which just seemed daft, even boring, to me, until I said she was missing the mark with the insults, whereupon she stopped immediately and focused on pain. One didn’t want to hear anything from me at all and just wanted to do her usual thing. One put me in a sling for access to my cock and balls, and then said: if you're in the sling, we should use a strap-on, but I was unprepared and unclean, as well as unsure about it. But others were great: in another blog article I describe one time where I nearly came too early in the session; and I recall one domina who really turned me on, repeatedly ramming a spiky roller up between my legs. It was wonderful but unfortunately I then felt faint and had to ask her to stop. Ever since then, I have always made sure that I have something to eat roughly an hour before a session so that I have sufficient energy. 

I kept these monthly visits up for six months, but then decided to stop, because I felt I was going to Avalon for the wrong reason: a session should celebrate pain and sexuality, not punish me for my negative break-up emotions.