The stress of paid-for time

Whilst the hour of an SM session may be good value at €250, there will inevitably be a limited amount of time in which the session has to be completed – even if the domme doesn’t have to move straight on to her next guest.

 

If you are worried about the financial side, perhaps it might help to place the cash in an envelope beforehand, so that you don’t see the banknotes on the day. The worst thing you can do is to calculate that 250 euros divided by 60 minutes equals more than €4 a minute, or that one euro gets you less than 15 seconds – that is guaranteed to kill off any pleasure. It is far better to think that €250 is the price of an amazing experience, and not to worry about time, leaving the pacing of the session in the capable hands of the mistress.

 

One problem is that a session can involve a fair bit of preparation – not only beforehand, which doesn’t count towards the hour – but also during the session. Tying a slave up, getting someone into a complex position, relaxing an asshole, etc., etc., all of these actions will take time and need to be handled carefully. And if the first couple of attempts to tie up the balls don’t work properly, because one ball keeps escaping, or some skin gets caught and the humbler needs to be repositioned, it is possible that the guest will start to worry about the amount of time passing, and (even if she doesn't show it) the domme may well become anxious that she’s not delivering the service she wants to.

 

Let me draw a distinction between positive fear and negative anxiety. They are both sources of stress. Fear of the next stroke of the cane will hopefully be followed by pleasure at the intensity of the sensation: in this case, the sub’s focus is on the here-and-now, on the immediate moment: that stress is positive and welcome. Anxiety about time passing, though, means that the sub’s thoughts are straying to outside factors: questions like how much it is costing, or will I be late for my next appointment, etc. Such thinking outside the immediate moment is the opposite of what a BDSM session aims at – and it will affect your libido as well.

 

So if a guest gets anxious about time, the session won’t work as well as it could. Also, as the top is keenly aware of the bottom’s state of mind, the anxiety is bound to transfer itself to the domme. And no-one who is anxious will give their best performance. Perhaps the domme intends to urinate on the sub in the course of the session. The session may have been leading up to it, and the “champagne” is a special reward for the sub. And then, no matter how hard the domme tries, nothing comes out for a while – I would say that in that case the sub will do well to reassure the domme that it’s not a problem, and perhaps we can come back to it later.

 

The best sessions are those in which the sub loses track of time. The sub is so focused on the sensations of the moment that everything else is forgotten. As for the domme: like a conductor rehearsing an orchestra, or a teacher giving a lesson, she is aware of the time and is able to determine the intensity of the treatment, to pace the session, accordingly. Thanks to her time management skills, the sub can focus on the moment: all day-to-day worries, including the passage of time, can go out of the window. 

 

So let the session begin, and – at least for an hour – let the passing of time cease!