Posts

Sounding

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The finest pain and humiliation, delivered with great care and attention: it's a hallmark of the BDSM scene. The top bears great responsibility for the sub's welfare, and goes to great lengths to keep him/her/it safe from unintended injury. Sounding is a good example of this: the insertion of the sound, usually a metal rod, into the urethra, has the potential to go horribly wrong. Inside the penis is probably not a good place to pick up an injury or an infection. Inside the penis, there's no natural lubrication, just easily damaged flesh and blood vessels. If the sub is to enjoy this treatment, therefore, he needs to be able to trust in the professionalism of the domme. After the precautions to ward off infection have been taken, the pleasure can begin: feeling the sound find its way into the shaft, trying to use the biggest possible sound, going in as deep as possible, perhaps feeling it move around way down inside there between one's legs. I have read

Carpe diem, aka you only live once

I have said that my relocation to Berlin, and the emergence of the internet, were two factors behind my decision to move on from torturing myself and actually to visit an SM studio. But whilst they facilitated the step, they weren’t the underlying reason.   The decision to try out a session at a studio with a real, live dominatrix was long in gestation, well prepared and thoroughly considered. It was not a “Schnappsidee” – a spur-of-the-moment alcohol-fuelled choice – but a sober decision.   The real reason I went up those stairs and nervously rang that bell was what we used to call “carpe diem” – “seize the day”, and nowadays is dubbed “FOMO” or “YOLO”. I was in my late thirties, and could now afford – just about – the fee. Life passes by so quickly, and I would rather regret things I have done than things I never got around to doing. So I seized the day. Had it been awful, it would have just been a slightly expensive half-hour of my life; were it to offer promise, it could le

The joy of ballbusting

It had long been a dream of mine to experience some ballbusting. I had often asked for it, but had been too scared to do it properly: for example, I would ask the domme to knee me in the balls when I arrive or leave – i.e. when I’m wearing trousers as a form of protection.   And I think it's only reasonable to be scared of it: performed badly, it can do you real harm. It takes an experienced and skillful domme to do it both well and safely.   I first sessioned with Mistress Bella in January 2019. By March, I trusted her enough to say, yes, let’s go for it. It was wonderful, better than I’d imagined. I was strung up in the shape of a St. Andrew’s cross, with my limbs pulled in four directions, and she stepped up and gave my balls a really good kicking. She made the pain exquisitely enjoyable: not too much at first, always attentive to how much further she could go, always aware of which part of her boot was smashing into me between my legs.    However, one learns from experi

Travelling to the session

The journey to the session is one of anticipation – and some stress. Will I be on time, will there be a traffic jam or a problem with the U-Bahn (Berlin’s subway system)? And then I get there early, and have to wait for a bit in the car, or on the platform of the U-Bahn if I’m travelling by public transport and it’s cold or wet.   The entire day is adrenaline-fuelled: it is more difficult to concentrate at work – and will something urgent crop up which will mean I have to cancel? Fortunately, that has never happened so far, but it’s always a possibility, an uncertainty. I re-read the final version of the email I sent to my mistress suggesting games we might play in the session. Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time of writing, but will I be able to cope when I'm actually in the dungeon?   Often, I place a leather strip around my balls to increase the sense of arousal on the way to the session – and I always try to wear some nice feminine panties.   I fantasise ab

Drinking piss

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I do enjoy watching videos of pissing women, but always feel it’s such a waste of good, tasty urine if there isn’t a man in position to imbibe the flow. Drinking pee is such a turn-on for me. Last summer, Mistress Bella gave me a big bottle of strong, mature urine to take home and drink, with the instruction to film myself doing it. As I obeyed her order the next morning, I found myself getting hard just from the excitement of drinking her waste. By the time I’d finished the whole bottle, half a litre of piss had sent my cock skyward.   Once, at Avalon, I decided to try the “special offer” of an hour in the toilet room with occasional visits from the ladies. It was quite fun, but the trouble was that I was lying under a toilet seat on a tiled floor, and the piss I couldn’t manage to drink just ran down my face and then down the drain. I would have preferred a setting in which the piss does not flow away, but collects around my head, so that I am surrounded by the combined liquids a

Waiting for the session to start

One important aspect of the session is the preparation time. I’ve never been quite sure when one should arrive for an appointment at, say, 5 p.m. – should it be ten minutes before, or should it be on the hour? – so I say in advance that I will try to arrive on the dot of the agreed time. Usually this means that the door is opened by Mistress Bella herself, as she is expecting me at that time. Sometimes at Avalon, there was the possibility of an encounter with a staff member of the neighbouring (vanilla) company, or another slave, but that was very rare.   So I’m met at the door and brought to the changing room. We don’t usually need a big chat about the forthcoming session, because we’ve emailed in advance. But there is still going to be some time in which I have to wait. This is in fact all part of the game – making the guest wait raises the level of anticipation, even of trepidation, about what is to come.   What is not so good is if this waiting time lasts too long. Once,

Stinging nettles - a real buzz

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As I write this, my nipples, glans and balls are buzzing, and it brings to mind a wonderful session in the spring of 2019. It must have been our fourth or fifth time together, and Mistress Bella had prepared some e-stim, when I turned up with a bag of stinging nettles. The e-stim was forgotten as we experimented and played with nettles on my nipples, glans, balls, between my legs, and in my asshole (and I must confess to having enjoyed the moment when Bella got stung through her glove...).     I was extremely turned on by the whole thing, and loved the feel of the nettles. But it was only after I came that I realised how intense the session had been: my glans felt numb, and my nipples were buzzing as though with electricity, for about three days afterwards. It took me that long to return to normal, to feel normal when peeing, and to have any sensation in my glans. It also showed me how greatly my tolerance for pain increases when I am turned on.   Bella took some pictures, and